Letter to my smaller self

Compassion is having blog month this month to spread awareness for sponsorship. The first assignment is writing a letter to your childhood self.
Dear child Amanda,
You may not want to believe that I am indeed you, but I will tell you that as proof. Your favorite color is blue and will always be blue. You want to be a singer at the moment. Let me tell you a few things. Do not change your life for anything though it makes you who you are today.
You know I say you want to be a singer right now. That will change a lot in the next few years. From a singer, to a dancer, to a model, teacher, cook, and the list goes on. Oh and by the way around 8 years old you will come to be obsessed with ballet. You will practice in homemade ballet shoes that are actually the foldable house shoes. It will drive mom crazy because your favorite place to practice is in the kitchen. Why you may ask is the reason; the excuse being it had hard floors and the bathrooms not big enough.
At about two and a half or three you will experience a lot of painful days after being shocked. Dasha your day younger cousin is to blame. We still talk about it today at 23. She helpped you move speakers and talked you into putting a bobby pin in the light socket. It's one of the few things I remember at such a young age. They will talk about skin graphs, but mom will not allow it. It is lucky for us we don't need it. The ice mom has to put your hands will be very painful and she'll have to break us from sucking our fingers. Don't worry though after it is all over we'll start back and will even share.

You at one time will think your daddy is horrible  and must hate you. I promise it is actually just a phase mixed with a little rebellion. Mama, Daddy, and of course Aunt Peggy along with other family will continue to love you and be some of your biggest supporters.

Daddy

Mama

                                                                              Aunt Peggy

You'll have a little brother. You'll tell mama to give him back at first. When he's born you'll be excited. Later you'll say you wish he was never born. Wanna know a little secret though no one better hurt him or mess with him. You'll protect him with all you have in you.

That upset you will feel and those tears you will cry because you live in a trailer and are teased for it. Goodness if anyone found out you had to share a room with your little brother. Smile and hold your head up. I know you will at school. You will move to a house with your own room later.

That girl in sixth grade that threw a rock at you and called you a bad name because you wouldn't give your swing up. Guess what she reached out to you when she moved back in high school. She's now one of your best friends and we laugh about the craziness of that situation now. Bet you didn't think that would happen since you promised yourself in sixth grade you would never forgive her.

That cousin that you grew up with, lived with, got your way with, and called a brother. He married and won't speak to you now. You'll cry, but I promise things will get better. You'll in 9th grade decide to become a nurse after taking care of your grandpa. Granny, grandpa, and Uncle will pass. All will break your heart, but they will remain in your heart. You'll want to try and be strong for your cousin when uncle passes, but cry too. You'll want to try and be strong for your brother when your grandpa passes. He was your brothers world and you are big sister. Cry though at least in private please. You'll want to be strong for your mom and brother when granny passes. You were close to her too. You will watch her for a long time when she gets sick. You'll break down a few times in front of family and friends, but will end it quickly. Cry though you'll feel a lot better.

That bike your step papaw Randy will give you for your 5th Christmas right before he passes you won't want to give up. You'll even cry when daddy takes it. So what that it's falling apart and your too big to ride it. You'll have to give it up though you can't keep it forever.

I bet your feeling down that you can't do any fun things. You wanted to play baseball since you were around five. Mama and daddy says maybe soon they don't have the money. One reason also that you try to teach yourself ballet and you teach yourself how to draw along with your little brother. I promise though we won't be really poor our whole life. In 9th grade you get to start playing softball your brother teeball. You'll love it. Make sure you tell your couch you can't be catcher without gear that practice game though. Without gear you really mess your knee up, but like a trooper you will pull yourself back up for your team that same practice and save your parents a little worrying. You get applause for that same determination.

You will flip onto your head when swimming in a pool and become terrified of lots of water. Mom and dad will try to get you swimming lessons to help, but due to your terror you will after two try's refuse to go in the water. So what if you can still stand in it it's to your neck and that's to much. Don't worry though you'll get over that fear by slowly getting over your drowning fears by dunking your head in the tub and holding your breath. You won't be the best swimmer and will be a late learner. You'll be able to swim like a fish and float, but over water you'll still have issues with sinking like a rock. 

You will have tough time as a child with family telling you that you cannot do things with them, feeling not wanted and crying because the other kids said to leave, have doors slammed in your face being told not to come anymore, all sorts of things. You will only forget and forgive each time and it will make you stronger for school. You will be teased from fourth grade after getting glasses to 12th grade. The teasing will be from harsh words, to being kicked, hit, and teased about your faith. You'll have a few great and supportive friends to help you through though. I will be completely honest though in 11th and 12th grade you won't be able to take it anymore and break down twice. You will continue to keep a smile on your face and kind words pretty much always on your tongue. You will decide not to care what anyone says or does in college and that works out great. You will meet your first and hopefully only boyfriend; the love of your life the summer of your 12th grade year. Those that teased you try to make conversation now. Your polite and smile. You try to forgive and move on even now.

One of the most exciting things I want to tell you is you were lead to an amazing organization called compassion. So don't worry about what people say right now about sponsorship organizations. Here are your kids you'll sponsor. You'll also correspond with some children, but I will leave you those for surprises. I know how you kind of like those. Don't you want to help them have what you want right now too. It's well worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know it may seem like a letter filled with a lot of bad things in it. It may even sound a little scary to you, but I promise there is good in your life too. I chose to tell you the bad things so you would be prepared and let the good things surprise you to give you a smile. Continue to smile because a smile is worth a million words and will get you through. I know this to be true.

 

                                                                                                              With Love,

                                                                                                                     Your older self

http://www.compassion.com/sponsor_a_child/default.htm?referer=131923